ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
