Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
