He passed out mid-signature
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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