It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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