im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
