Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
