She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
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