I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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