I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
being pregnant is like rehab
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
