you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
false alarm. still invincible.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Green mimosas i think yes
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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