I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My Higher Power is John Stamos
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
