i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
