I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The air was thick with penises
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
