There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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