On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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