You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
