I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
