She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
