i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize