I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
