wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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