Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
