I understand Curling. That high.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
