peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize