he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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