We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
