everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
