it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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