i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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