HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
