i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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