Betty ford says i'm here all night
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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