Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
