I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
