where am i from again
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
