Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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