My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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