so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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