I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
