It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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