Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hippo gnu deer
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
