I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize