Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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