dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
