do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
