I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
