i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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