Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
