Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
