I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize