i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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