Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
