are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
