the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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