I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
