my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
