It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
