well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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